I had originally named this post, "A Brief History and Comparison of our Births", but as I wrote and wrote (and wrote), I realized it was not brief after all, so I took that word out. :) Each story is relatively brief, but there are several stories in this one blog post, so combined, it makes for a very long post. I hope you will humor me, as writing this all out was not just for boring my blog readers :-), but it is my "therapy" as I prepare for my next birth (any day now). Sometime in the middle of the night last night, as I lay in bed wishing I was sleeping, I decided that I needed to write a history of my births, comparing my hospital births and homebirths as a "Part 2" to "
Why we Choose to Birth at Home".
I hope, if you actually read through this epistle, that you will see what a HUGE difference there is and that there is just no comparison. You can come to your own conclusion, but this is what works FOR US.
So without any further adieu... Here are the kinda, sorta short stories of the births of our children...
1993: Our First Birth
Contractions began at 1:30 am and we called the doctor at 3:00 am. She told us to go to the hospital. When we arrived, the interventions began. I was given morphine for pain, prostaglandin gel was inserted on my cervix, and they started a pitocin IV to get things moving quicker. It wasn't until noon that they determined I was dilated 4 cm. and could have an epidural. The anesthesiologist came in and sent my husband out of the room. On his first try, his needle missed the mark. He pulled it out to try again. The second try also went astray, but when he pulled the needle back out, spinal fluid came with it and ran down my back. Now, we had a problem. He couldn't give me a full dose because he didn't know what the result would be. He explained that it could numb my whole body - not just from the waist down. I got half the normal dose, and he would become a pretty close companion over the next 24 hours, waking me every hour in the night to see if I had a spinal headache which would mean a lawsuit, in his mind.
After over an hour, Mike was allowed back in the room. The drugs continued, I was only allowed to have ice chips and I was starving. I wasn't allowed to eat in case I would have to have a cesarean. They gave me an enema, shaved my perineum and kept an automatic blood pressure cuff and monitor on me at all times. This meant I had to stay in the bed on my back. Finally, they came in and screwed an electronic fetal monitor (electrode) into the baby's head to get a better read on her heart rate. They never told me that they were concerned that she was posterior, and wasn't turning to a preferred anterior position, so about 3:00 pm they told me that they were going to prep me for a cesarean and we would be going to the operating room.
Mike "gowned up" and I was wheeled down the hall into a cold operating room. The doctor came in and said I was "complete" and that we were going to attempt a vaginal delivery one time before he started the surgery. I was bound and determined not to have a cesarean, so I decided then and there that this baby was coming out, no matter what.
When they told me to push, I pushed with all my might. A nurse on either side pushed down on my abdomen while I pushed. The blood pressure cuff on my arm continued to fill with air and release and when it was over, my arm was black and blue with bruises. The doctor attached a vacuum extractor to the baby's head to help pull her out while I pushed. In order to make her birth "easier", he did a medio lateral episiotomy. The expulsion effort was so strong, I tore beyond the episiotomy and required several stitches. It would be three weeks before I could sit comfortably and was given narcotics for pain relief when I left the hospital.
At 3:39 pm, our baby girl made her arrival into the hands of a stranger. She was immediately handed off to a nurse who placed her on a table in the corner of the room to begin her assessment. I had to lay still for the next 20 minutes while the doctor stitched up the tears and episiotomy and listen to everyone talk about my baby. It wasn't until I was taken to recovery that I was allowed to touch her. By then, she was swaddled in a blanket and the only exposed skin was her face.
Soon, they said that she had to go to the nursery for bloodwork, shots and more assessment. They allowed Mike to go with her and I was left with a nurse in recovery who sat and told me that she was struggling with infertility and how lucky I was to have a baby. She cried as she told me her story in depth and somehow it felt as if she took her pain out on me. She forced me to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom and told me I was not allowed to come out until I had urinated.
After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally taken to my hospital room. They brought the baby back in and I was finally allowed to spend some time getting to know her. It was then that the photo (above) was taken. We weren't allowed to have cameras in the operating room, so this was the first opportunity we had to record the "miracle of birth".
That night, I got a phone call in my room from the hospital accounting office saying that my OB's office had not submitted a referral for the birth to the insurance company, and they refused to pay for my hospital stay, so I would be released in the morning as soon as they did more bloodwork on our daughter. We arrived home the next morning, with much healing ahead of us, but at least we had a beautiful, healthy baby!
1996: Our Second Birth
Not really knowing that there were other options, when we found out we were expecting our second child, we went to the same OB practice we had been going to for my prenatal care. We were excited to find out we were having a boy this time and planned his birth at the same hospital. The only snag was - we were moving. When I was 8 months pregnant, we moved to a small farm 45 minutes away from the hospital.
A week before my due date, we drove down to the OB's office for a prenatal appointment, leaving our daughter, now 2 1/2, with her grandmother. The OB determined that I was only dilated a centimeter, but I was having contractions that were coming about 11 minutes apart. He was afraid for me to go home in case labor kicked in and we would be rushing to get back to the hospital, so he said to go and "hang out" at the hospital for awhile and see what they could do to get things going.
We went to the hospital, and the nurses encouraged me to walk around the halls to see if anything changed. They inserted prostaglandin gel on my cervix again to try to get it to dilate quicker. The contractions continued to get closer and closer, but my cervix wasn't dilating. They kept me overnight, but when they checked me in the morning at shift change, there wasn't enough progress to keep me any longer, and they sent me home.
We drove back to Grandma's to get our daughter, and started the drive home. About half way, as I was lying in the back seat, sick to my stomach and still having regular contractions, I started throwing up. At the same time, there was a pop, and my water broke. Mike called the doctor's office and they told us to go back to the hospital.
We took our daughter back to Grandma's and went back to the hospital. I got gowned and was placed in the same bed I had just vacated. An internal exam showed that I was now dilated to 4 cm. so they came in to give me an epidural. I had bad memories of the epidural in my first birth, but they insisted that it would make the "worst part" so much better. There were no problems this time, so I continued to labor quietly for the next four hours until they said I was completely dilated and the doctor would be in shortly. They prepped me to start the pushing stage. There was no discussion of the baby's position and I wondered if he, too, were posterior.
The doctor came in and took his place at the end of the bed while I lay flat on my back with my feet up in stirrups. He asked the nurse for the vacuum extractor and slipped it onto the baby's head. As the baby descended, the doctor commented that the baby was attempting to turn to a posterior position, so he was holding that vacuum extractor tightly to keep him from turning! As my 9 lb. 4 oz. baby was born, the doctor commented that he was in fact posterior and he "must have been trying to turn anterior - oh, well!" He then said that having a posterior baby was like adding an extra pound to their birth weight, and if I could birth a 9 lb. 4 oz. baby in a posterior position, I would have no problem birthing an 11 pounder next time. I was not amused.
They whisked the baby off to a table to wash and swaddle him and poke and prod him and then they finally brought the little wiggly cocoon and laid him on my chest while I lay still on my back in the same position waiting for the stitching to be completed as I had torn along the scar tissue from my previous birth wounds.
Finally, I was able to nurse him and when the nurse felt he was "done", she said he had to go to the nursery for his thorough exam and testing.
There was much less "trauma" in this birth and while I had been drugged and numbed and cut, I felt that it was a great improvement over my first birth. We went home the next day to our new home with another healthy baby. What a blessing!
1998: Our Third Birth: A Change in Plans
If something is working, you stick with it, so we went to the same OB practice for baby #3. Then something changed. A new OB joined the practice, and I was assigned to her. She had a very elitist attitude and let me know immediately that she was the expert, and my opinions didn't matter. I left the office in tears after several appointments and told Mike that there was NO WAY I wanted her delivering our baby! I asked if they could assure me that someone else would deliver and they said that I would get whoever was on call when I happened to go into labor. That risk was not acceptable to me, so we began to pray for wisdom.
About that time, we began looking for a family cow. (Yes, I said cow. lol) Friends of ours had friends who were dairy farmers, and we invited them over to talk cows. It "just so happened" that the wife was a midwife. ;) While the men were in the barn, we had a "birth chat" over coffee and pie. When I saw her level of knowledge on birth, I started asking her opinion about the things I had butted heads with the OB over. She began to lay out for me a very different picture of what birth could be like. I gave her my birth history and said, "but, at least we got two healthy babies, and that's the important thing." She replied, "Is it?" I told her the OB had told me that if I had already had two posterior babies, they would all be posterior and there was nothing I could do about it. She said that wasn't necessarily so. She gave me some advise on how to respond to the OB and invited me to call her if I had any more questions.
To make a long story short (you can
read the full birth story here, if you're interested), we ended up firing our OB at 7 months along in the pregnancy and hiring our new friend as our midwife.
Because I had undergone two births where I had no control over any of the details, I needed some coaching to get through our first homebirth, and our midwife did a great job "reading" the situation and providing the support that we needed.
Our son was born in our bed, 3 days after his due date. His sister and MomMom watched from the side of the bed while his Dad supported me through the labor and the midwife sat on the end of the bed, waiting to catch him. His 2 1/2 year old brother stayed downstairs with the midwife's daughter who helped to keep him occupied while everyone else was busy. He had been posterior, but as he descended, he turned anterior for the birth. (Imagine that!)
I had no drugs, no IV's, no episiotomy and no interventions. The midwife used counterpressure as his head crowned to prevent tearing, and I had only a small skin split on my scar tissue that didn't even warrant stitching.
After the birth, I got into my own shower and then went back to my own bed, which the midwife had changed while I was in the bathroom. Our new son lay between my husband and me that night and nursed on demand. He wasn't poked or prodded, just gently assessed by the midwife while we held him.
Recovery was much quicker, and I felt like the blinders had come off and I could finally see what birth was supposed to be like. It was an amazing experience!!
2000: Our Fourth Birth - A New Technique
Our third son was only 9 months old when the next child was conceived. We didn't even realize that I was pregnant until I was already into my 4th month and getting more and more frustrated that my clothes didn't fit! (Again, you can
read the full birth story here, if you are interested.) On Christmas morning, after feeling a baby kicking the night before, I took a pregnancy test which, of course, was VERY positive! What a wonderful gift!
We knew that homebirth was our only option and we would never go back to the hospital unless an emergency warranted it. We called our midwife and started prenatal appointments. By this time, I was pretty much a homebirth junkie and had read everything I could find about homebirth. I had several friends online who also homebirthed, and a few of us started an email list for homebirthers to share ideas and support each other in our pregnancies and births.
I kept hearing about
waterbirths and was intrigued by the whole process. It just made sense and seemed so natural and a perfect transition for the baby, not to mention the benefits to the mother. We talked to our midwife about the possibility of having a home waterbirth. She had read much about it, too, but had never attended a waterbirth. We set out to learn together and began planning a waterbirth. We purchased a portable hot tub and as the due date approached, we set it up in our mud room. Of course, since I had missed my first trimester, the baby decided she would allow me to experience pregnancy a little longer and waited 15 days past her due date to decide it was her birth day!
My water broke that morning, and I went about the day in a normal way, picking raspberries, making a cake, putting a roast in the oven for dinner, etc. I had a few contractions off and on throughout the day, but nothing that would indicate labor was beginning. Our midwife noticed that while the baby was head down, she appeared to be leaning out instead of being vertical, which was not allowing her head to come into direct contact with my cervix to cause dilation. We had also read about a tummy lift technique that would get the baby in that vertical position, so with the next contraction, I tried it.
Immediately, the hard contractions started coming. After a few contractions, I felt it was time to get into the hot tub. One hour from that first contraction, I was holding my baby, who had been born in the water, into her Daddy's hands, while the midwife, my Mom and the two oldest kids watched. (Our youngest son was napping.) If our first homebirth was amazing, our first waterbirth was incredible! The pain had been so much less and the birth had gone so fast, I wondered if I had dreamed the whole birth! What a difference from our hospital births!!!
2001: Our First Loss
The following year, we found we were expecting again, and couldn't wait for our next homebirth. At 14 weeks, I started spotting, which was a new experience for me. I didn't know anyone who had had a miscarriage and it just wasn't something that I even considered. Our midwife prescribed herbs to help stop the bleeding and supported us through our time of unknowing, but the spotting continued and ended in the loss of our precious baby. A doctor friend did a sonogram and confirmed that our child was not to be. We named him Jonathan Michael, and handed him to the Lord to watch for us until we are reunited. We had been thrown into a new experience, and it took many months to come to grips with our loss.
We had a page on our website dedicated to our babies who are with the Lord, but it is outdated and the link isn't working. When we get our new website up, I will come back and post the link here.
2002: Our Fifth Birth - Unforeseen Changes
The following March, we discovered that we had been blessed again. Fear gripped me as I pondered whether this pregnancy would end with a baby or another loss. We had begun looking for a new home as our farm had grown and we were outgrowing our land.
We found a farm 2 hours North of us, in NW PA, just South of the New York border. We moved in on Memorial Day, and our baby was due in December.
We were now almost two hours from our midwife, but she agreed to travel to us for our appointments and birth. We now lived in the snow belt where snow storms come fast and furious, so we discussed the possibility that she might not be able to make it to our house in time for the birth.
In early December she came for an appointment and decided to stay as it looked like things were getting close. She stayed for several days, but we finally released her to go home, telling her we would call her when something happened. (You can
read the full birth story here.)
As the midwife backed out of the driveway, a strong contraction gripped me, but I hesitated to call her back, as we had had many false alarms, and we had come to realize that my normal labor pattern was one of weeks of prodromal labor, ending in a short birth.
The contractions continued as the snow fell outside, and I got into the hot tub to relax. Our baby was born into her Daddy's hands just as our midwife pulled into her driveway two hours away. It was our first "Unplanned Unassisted" waterbirth. By now, I had become comfortable enough with the birth process that I didn't need coaching, and needed to spend time laboring alone, listening to my body. Also, my labor pattern made it difficult to know when the prodromal labor ended and the "real" labor began, so it wasn't until I was pushing that I realized the baby was going to be born that day. There was a little excitement after the birth which turned into something of a comedy of errors, but in the end all was well and we had had another beautiful home waterbirth in our new home.
2003: Another Loss
The following year, we conceived again and were excited to be expecting our sixth baby. Of course, once you have experienced a loss, those fears remain with you and you never breathe easy until you have passed the point in gestation where you feel "safe". Our first loss had been at 14 weeks, so at the end of my 14th week, I began to breathe a little easier. Two weeks later, however, I awoke to find spotting again. I now knew the signs and I faced the reality of what was happening. Our midwife and my homebirth friends tried to reassure me that spotting can occur for many reasons and it doesn't necessarily mean a miscarriage, but I had felt uneasy throughout the whole pregnancy and had never had peace about it. One night I had a dream about the baby. I couldn't see her, but I heard a little voice saying, "Say Goodbye, Mommy." I told her I didn't want to say goodbye. She told me I had to let her go, so after much prayer and counsel with my husband, we said goodbye and let her go. We were at peace that she was with the Lord and that we would see her and her brother again some day. I know for sure that experience does not make some situations easier. This loss was just as hard as our first, but I have had many opportunities to help other women who were going through miscarriages and I felt like I understood their suffering and could help them work through the pain. We named our baby Katherine Faith and we know that Katie and Jonathan are playing on heaven's playground.
2005: Our Sixth Birth - A Healing Birth
When we discovered we were expecting again, we decided to go to a high risk OB who specialized in pregnancy loss to make sure that there was nothing genetic that was causing our losses. After several tests, he determined that our previous losses were the result of something going wrong with the pregnancy and the baby just didn't develop correctly. Because of the timing of the losses, it didn't indicate low progesterone, which is a common cause in early miscarriage.
Armed with this knowledge and trusting the Lord, we began planning our next home waterbirth. Our midwife was not allowed to practice while a lawsuit was pending, so we had to decide what to do. While our previous birth had been unassisted, we didn't feel ready to go that route again, so we hired a local midwife and her apprentice.
I had the same prodromal labor pattern as I always had, and on the evening of my due date, I got into the hot tub just to relax and spend some time with the jets massaging my lower back. This was the first baby who was in an anterior position, so it was a bit different than what I was used to. I was having contractions, but nothing consistent and certainly not getting closer together or stronger. I was planning to get out, dress and go to bed for the night, but I was stopped by the urge to bear down!
My oldest daughter came in and I told her to ask her Dad to get his swimsuit on and get in the hot tub if he was going to catch the baby, and to call the midwife and let her know I was pushing. No one could believe that I was about to have a baby (including myself!) The midwife was a half hour away and still had to load her equipment into the car, but she said she and her apprentice would be here as soon as possible.
In 10 minutes, I was holding our son. He was born at 10:45 pm in the water in our sunroom, with only a lamp on. Soft praise music played in the background, the snow fell softly outside and the birth was so quiet and peaceful with labor lasting a total of 45 minutes from when I realized I was in active labor! All of his brothers and sisters stood around the tub in awe as he was born. We could feel the presence of God in the room, and as his Dad lifted him out of the water and into my arms, he lifted his arms as if in praise to God. This was the most incredible, peaceful, awe inspiring birth I had yet experienced and was SO thankful that God was in the details! (You can read all of the details of
his birth story here.)
2006: Our Seventh Birth - Facing the Unknown
On our son's first birthday, I had a positive pregnancy test. I was eager to repeat the same experience I had gone through a year previous on the day of his birth. It had been such a beautiful birth, I was eager to do it again!
Since our two previous births had been unassisted, though not planned that way, we felt at peace with planning another unassisted birth.
The baby stayed posterior throughout the pregnancy and at 35 weeks the contractions started and my prodromal labor started. It continued for five weeks and on my due date, the contractions really picked up and I got into the hot tub about 1:00 pm waiting to see if they would peter out or continue. They continued, and I anticipated a quick, peaceful birth like the last one - but that was a dream that wasn't to come true!
The labor progressed, but very slowly. I thought I knew just about everything there was to know about childbirth at this point. I had a whole bookcase filled with childbirth books which I had read many times. I was now hosting a homebirth email list that had grown to over 200 members. I felt that I was an expert on the topic, but yet I had no idea what was going on and why labor was taking so long.
Finally, I knew I was complete and the baby was moving into the birth canal. I breathed a sign of relief thinking that all I had do was push her out and the hard work would be over pretty quickly. Little did I know that I would not see her for another three hours! I spent a lot of that time alone in the hot tub with God, praying for wisdom and peace. At one point, I got out of the tub to go to the bathroom and Mike and I discussed whether or not to go to the hospital as I was wondering if the cord was around her neck or that we would be facing an emergency. Mike prayed for me and the baby and for wisdom to know what to do. God gave me the verse, "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean
NOT on your OWN understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
will direct your path." I then realized that I was leaning on my own
understanding of birth and had left God out of the equation. I asked
for forgiveness for my arrogance and prayed for God to direct my path. Mike and I both felt at peace with continuing on at home. I got back into the hot tub and in a few minutes, I was bearing down and preparing to meet our daughter - finally! When she was born, the mystery of the slow labor was revealed. She had her hands on her ears, and her elbows were sticking out, just as they had been during the sonogram. Midwives refer to this as nuchal hands. The baby's head is usually the largest part and once the head is through the birth canal, the rest of the body slips through effortlessly. This time, the largest part was her chest with an upper arm and lower arm's width on each side to push through the birth canal. (Put your hands on your ears and see how wide you now are at the shoulders!) To make matters worse, she was still in an intact sack (She was "born in the caul"). My water never broke, so the sack held her tightly in that position. A midwife friend of mine later told me that if my water had broken, she would not have been cushioned for her trip through the birth canal, and we may have had a very different result, so that was all part of God's plan for the birth!
I definitely learned the lesson that I will never know everything about anything and it's best just to trust the Lord and have total faith in him!
2007/2008: More Loss - More Faith - More Trust
In 2007, we had another "plus" on a pregnancy test and began planning for #7. This time, the spotting started at 9 weeks and his little body was birthed into my hands on the Saturday following Thanksgiving. We thanked God for his short life and buried him among the Forget Me Nots in our flower garden. We gave him the name Sean Emanuel. Sean means "God is Gracious" and Emanuel means "God is with us". We now had six living children, and half as many in heaven.
The following year, I conceived again, and we were excited to be expecting another blessing. Our niece was getting married several states away and three of our children were to be in the wedding. A week before we were to leave, I started spotting again. The pain and frustration I felt was indescribable! We went to the hospital for a sonogram, and the report was that I had a blighted ovum. The placenta and sack had developed, but there was no baby in it. We were told that the miscarriage would progress and at some point in the next couple of weeks, I would spontaneously lose what was left of the pregnancy. We prayed about what to do and felt at peace about going on with our plans to attend the wedding. It was an emotional struggle. My body still thought it was pregnant, and I was still dealing with morning sickness, a growing belly and other pregnancy symptoms, but I knew that before long, I would face the end of it all.
We got through the wedding and reception and the spotting became heavier as we prepared to start for home. We spent a relaxing morning at the beach and I came to terms with my situation as I sat and looked at the Atlantic Ocean. The waves seemed to take my pain out to sea and as they came back onto the beach, they brought hope for healing.
On the way home, the cramping got heavier and we stopped at a rest area. It was there that the miscarriage was completed and I returned home feeling empty. I struggled with the question of whether I had lost a baby or just the "products of conception" as the sonogram report had called it. My husband reminded me that life begins at conception, so yes, we had lost a life. I had already dreamed about the baby and she had told me her name was Melissa Joy, so that is what we named her.
2009: Our Eighth Birth: Answered Prayer
After two losses in a row, I thought my childbearing days were coming to an end. But God had other plans for us. In March, I had another positive pregnancy test, but I wasn't excited about it. In my mind, that meant that a few weeks down the road, I would just have another miscarriage. I didn't even want to tell anyone. As time went on, I began to feel the healing touch of God and was hopeful that as the waves of the ocean had come back to me, God's grace had come back to me and we would be having a baby in December.
As I got past 9 weeks, and then 14 weeks and then 16 weeks, I was feeling very positive about the pregnancy and looking forward to another homebirth. Again, we decided to have an unassisted waterbirth. Prodromal labor started at 35 weeks again, and I felt sure this one was going to be early. My due date came, though, and she was still hanging out in there.
Four days after my due date, I started having panic attacks and felt oppression. It was just like a cloud of depression was hanging over me and I had great fear. I had dreamed that the baby died at birth and I even dreamed the details of her funeral and burial!! My heart raced and my blood pressure went up and I thought I was dying! After calling two friends, a doctor and a midwife, and talking with my sister on the phone for awhile, we came to the conclusion that what I was experiencing was spiritual warfare. Mike and my sister and I prayed for victory over the enemy and for trust in the Lord. The Bible says that God inhabits the praise of His people, and where God is, the devil has to flee, so I began just pacing the floor praising God and singing praises. I walked and paced and felt strong contractions in the process. The fear and panic left me and I was finally at peace. We had chosen the name Arabella, which means Answer to Prayer, or Altar of God. She was to be named after my great aunt who was a saint and prayer warrior. God showed me that our Arabella would serve Him in a similar way and that He would use her for His glory. As I went to bed that night, I told Mike and my sister that I was going to sleep and that my water would probably break in the morning and we would have a baby.
At 6 am, I awoke to a pop, and water trickling between my legs. I woke Mike up and said, "My water broke." I don't think he believed me at first since I had predicted it just before going to bed. ;)
We got up and made some phone calls to say that the baby was most likely going to be born today. Contractions were not in an established pattern, so I waited awhile to get in the hot tub. My water had broken in my fourth birth and it was 12 hours before labor started, so I figured it would be awhile.
Eventually, I decided to get into the hot tub and see if relaxing would help get things moving along. I spent some time alone, listening to Christmas Carols and Songs of Praise, thinking about Jesus' birth. Finally, I told Mike he could start thinking about getting in. The kids played quietly upstairs and allowed me to labor in peace. Finally, the baby moved down into the birth canal and in a short time, I could feel her head crowning. Mike yelled for the kids to come down for the birth and they made it just in time to watch their sister being born. It was 2:54 pm. As I wasn't sure when active labor started, I really had no idea how long I was actually in labor, but it wasn't very long.
Arabella - our Answer to Prayer, was the newest member of our family. She restored the hope I had lost after our miscarriages and she was such a joy, we named her Arabella Joy. :)
2011 - Our Ninth Birth - Yet to be Written
As I type this, I am 12 days away from my due date with #9. Her birth story is still unwritten and we don't know how it will turn out. She has been posterior throughout most of the pregnancy, but last week she turned anterior! There are signs that her birth is getting closer, and I am praying for a short, peaceful labor and delivery like our youngest son's. But that is a blog post that has yet to be written! :)
Thanks for bearing with me as I got this all out of my system. :)
